Trouble in the park.

The Educator is on his summer holidays like most of his teaching brethren. For him, it’s almost a relief, as he gets the chance to return to being normal. Added to that is the relinquishing of his supernatural powers that only being in an educational establishment gets activated. Nothing much riles our intrepid holiday maker, but just occasionally a little something gets his juices flowing…

Driving through one of Her Majesty’s parks in London on a sunny August afternoon at twenty miles per hour, the Educator in hibernation had the roof down in his rumbling old Jaguar. He was thoroughly enjoying the breeze in his greying hair and appreciating the sheer grandeur of the stags going about their business when something odd occurred.

A believer in keeping to speed limits, he was driving at the snail’s pace required by the Park Authorities and had reached an incline in the road. He began to crawl downhill, trying to keep the heavy car at the required speed when three cyclists appeared on his bumper. Clad in their gear: helmets, expensive goggles and bikes you could life with your little finger they looked the very epitome of modern twenty first century fanaticism. He smiled slightly, the contrast between eighties flash and the noughties technology couldn’t have been more evident.

Obviously irritated by his speed and constant dabbing of the brakes to keep the old car from applying the laws of gravity upon it, they gesticulated angrily for him to pull over. Unused to this sort of aggression from two wheeled transportation he obliged and as they sped past they all gave him the middle finger.

He sat there for a moment as the V8 burbled away quietly and then pulled out carefully again. As he carried on through the park his anger grew and he was irritated it wasn’t term time when he could have neutralised them all with one flick of his little finger! His ire was pushed further when two more cyclists whizzed past him shaking their heads. He glanced down at his speedo which read 20mph – did this limit not apply to cyclists in the same way as it did to car owners? He knew the police took a dim view to speeding motorists in the park, so this seemed a bit strange. He made it home without any further problems but vowed to get a little bit of revenge in the morning.

The next day, he took out the family Chelsea tractor figuring it was a larger beast to pass and with his spaniel panting in the boot with anticipation of his morning ablutions, they set off to his preferred walking spot. The Educator looked in the wing mirror. The dog panted away and he felt like doing the same. He was quite excited. Suddenly, he saw a row of cyclist exerting themselves behind him. Game on he thought.

Again he let them catch up as he crawled up the same incline and as they crested it he accelerated slightly, nervous about the speed limit misdemeanour but figuring it was worth it. The cyclists weren’t going fast enough to overtake. As he hoped a line of cars came the other way and as soon as they did he slowed right down to tem miles an hour. He noticed with amusement that another three cyclists had joined his peloton. As the cars past the first cyclist tried to overtake but he sped up leaving the bemused cyclist to attempt to speed up, pumping his legs to get the required speed, but to no avail.

The educator grinned as the lead cyclist shook his fist. Driving on he successfully kept the increasing trail of cyclists behind him repeating each change in speed in the same way. He was nearing his walking spot when he saw the tell-tale sign of a blue flashing light behind. The opposite side of the road was free and the police car accelerated up next to the Educator in hibernation who slid down his window. They were now alongside one another driving two abreast much to the consternation of the cyclists.

“Morning sir.”

“Morning officer.”

“Nice day for a drive.”

“Indeed so.”

“Keeping to the speed limit?”

“Trying to.”

“Annoying the cyclists?”

“Hoping so.”

“Good work. I spend my life trying to slow this lot down. We need more public spirited members of the community such as yourself. Keep up the good work.”

“Will do officer.” He grinned as the panda car sped past him. Up ahead he saw his car park and proceeded to put on his indicator. He checked all his mirrors carefully, noting at least twenty cyclists now in the train of frustrated heart busters behind. Mischievously he allowed an elderly couple to crawl out and take his place, then carefully crunched into the car park.

Better than break duty any day he thought cheerfully to himself as he manoeuvred into a space and switched off his engine. Job done.